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Name: Jeni
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Member Since: 2/8/2006

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Saturday, May 01, 2010

wish.

I've figured out my problem and it scares me more than I care to admit.


Sunday, March 07, 2010

feel so alive.

I've come to the conclusion that suffering through the night without falling asleep is almost as if applying balm to a burn. I know its going to hurt after the salve wears, yet I still apply. I think I would rather be sleepy and anxious and prolong the morning that seems to arrive much faster when not propelled forward by the mask of sleep.

Maybe that only makes sense to me.


I find myself one day apart from starting a new adventure that I should be much more excited for than I am. Too bad the selfishness and pettiness of some I had considered almost close to me have reduced it down to nothing but a lackluster shell revealing the cracks and wear that I had hoped to not face quite yet. Perhaps I should take this at face value and thank them for revealing something I had hoped the excitement of something new would hide for a few weeks. Maybe I should be angry that I have committed myself to something my heart isn't into anymore before I've even begun the adventure.

I can only hope that this will work out far more fabulous than I ever dreamed because the good Lord has blessed me far more than I ever deserve. I firmly and whole heartedly believe that I am well taken care of and this is no exception. I definitely have my share of mistakes and poor decisions under my belt, but I have always grown and learned.


If anything, I hope I never stop learning.








Wednesday, February 17, 2010

fly away.

i guess its supposed to be flattering when boys of your past that you dont talk to much decide to tell you youre the girl of many a man's dreams, and that you were the best thing to ever happen to them. and then ask you to marry them. again.

 

but, really, its just creepy. and kind of sad.

 

they only say these things because they know they cant have me. not because they actually want me. where were these sentiments when we were actually together and they were screwing anything that had a pulse?

 

i dont really give a shit if you think you've 'matured.' that ship sailed a long time ago, captain.


Monday, February 15, 2010

seven day fool.

while in the changing room today at some irrelevant store, i was forced to listen to two young girls talk about the nonsense that was rolling around in their brain.

one thing that struck me the most was when one decided that she felt bad for whomever had to clean up the mess behind them.

why is it so hard to do this ourselves?

 

i work in the service industry, and im surprised i havent been arrested or commited. the mentality of the gerneral public just astounds me. they are rude, lazy, demanding, and degrading. however, i should state that there are people out there who were raised right by their momma's.

 

if i ever am fortunate enough to have children, i hope i install the fear of God in them when it comes to self respect, social behaviour, and general self maintenance.

these girls are young enough to learn to change their ways. but it makes me cring to know that theyve gone so far in life thinking and acting this way.

 

just remember, we are all a product of our environments. at work, i often catch myself muttering inquiries on how the homes of our patrons look. it makes me shiver to think about, and not in a good way.

 

if youre out in public treat the space, and the surrounding people, with respect and like you would in your own home. if that means being a disgusting and lazy asshole, please, do us all a favor and do the opposite of what i just said.


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

when i am having trouble sleeping ( which is more often than not) i often find myself reading.

 

one would think by now i would know better than to read things i know will be sad.  reading about death and life at 4 am is not something i suggest for those who tend to learn toword the emotional, such as myself.



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